Here's page 5. Sorry for the delay. Baby Tiger sends his apologies.
Table Taffy hopes y'all digs!
Bastion's 7 Created by: Sean Galloway Plotted by: Sean Galloway and J.Torres Written by: J.Torres [link] Art by: Colors by: Lettering: Rob Haynes ----------------------------------------------------------------
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Great artwork..!! Always love your art.. May I have a little suggestion please? would it be possible to do a horizontal flip on the 2nd or 3rd panel? because the old lady seems to be looking to her right but then throwing the noodle to her left.. sorry if I'm mistaken..
I like the look of the pages and art style, however I hope you'll start bringing the diffrent characters together soon, so that it starts making sense as to whats going on. The story so far is really jumpy and dosn't flow yet. Example on Page five the first panel is a guy saying noodles. My first thought who is he and where did he come from and why is he saying noodles? I had to go back to page 2 to figure out that there where three little monsters not two like I first thought, and I guess one inlarged itself? So maybe that is the guy in panel one of page 5. If so why is he saying noodles? He was insulted for being little. There is no connection that they are the same, if they are the same, character. Page 3 seems out of place as well.
I understand that you've just gotten started and that your trying to introduce mutiple characters at the same time, but it seems there might have been a better way to do it. So I hope you don't take this the wrong way or that any other fan takes it the wrong way. It's just something I've observed. I am hoping that as the story continues to progress, that things will start to smooth out.
I understand that they are sections of a weekly comic strip, kinda link an old school three panel Spiderman strip in your weekly sunday newspaper. That is understandable, I get that. However one could take those three panel strip sections out of the newpaper and line them up to get a flowing story more times then not. As it stands, it's like your trying to take diffrent parts of three diffrent stories and make them one story.
As an example: My car battery started giving me trouble and then Bruce Lee bursted into the kitchen with nunckucks. My paperboy said he was going on vacation, so I had to walk to the store for a new battery, but Bruce lee took on seven guys all with knifes and staffs.
That is at this moment how your weekly comic kinda flows. Which again, and I'm stressing this, I understand that your just getting started and that your trying to intrducing mutiple characters. So I hope you don't take it as me bashing on you or your work.
Haha. Not taken as bashing at all. You're correct, my writer and I knew we had a ton of characters to introduce, so we figured the best solution was to do quick self contained moments. Once the first "issue" is finished, we're hoping people will know the characters better.
Maybe I'll side on that these can be looked at as chapters?
The art is great, the dialogue is entertaining, good sense of place, and great colors. There's a lot to love about this comic.
But If I could offer one little critique: I feel like its done by someone with a strong background in animation but less so in comics. The panels don't always flow, some of the shots are jumpy because they would work in an animation, but its too startling in panel form, same goes for the motion/blur effect. Anyway I feel like this has super potential that's why I'm commenting.
Can you give some examples of the point you made about the Panels feeling jumpy? I dont think the panel to panel problem you explained is from someone working in Animation too much actually. The theory used in Animation as far as flow and movement from Panel to panel is the same that is supposed to be exercised in comics and is generally derived from film. There are some differences of course, but overall, the same theory could translate pretty effortlessly. Anyway just chiming in with my own thoughts as i looked at these pages with a critical eye as well.
Sure I'll do my best, check out panel 3 here, the lady throwing the spaghetti? Totally fine in animation because the motion doesn't point to a previous frame. But because the frames are next to each other the motion reads right to left and I end up wanting to read panel 2, now if the motion of the spaghetti pointed down left, it'd help push us to read in the proper order instead of against it.
Page 4 didn't really set me up for what was gonna happen in page 5, so I'm slightly confused, I think a panout to establish whats going on is in order because comics are slower than animation, if this was an animation the action would be happening at a faster pace so MAYBE it wouldn't be necessary? ( not sure im not good at animation ).
Panel 2 to Panel 3 makes sense action wise but because we're going from a close up to a turn in motion its kind of awkward, so I'd zoom out in panel 2 and center her so the spin she makes flows better?
These are some off the top of my head and a lot of it isn't a big deal, but I'm continually seeing a pattern where it feels like I'm looking at a storyboard and not a comic. And a comic does follow some of the same principles but not all of them and there are more principles to account for.
Really I only mention cause I'm a fan of Cheeks work, and I thought maybe it could help him out.
Good eye man. I actually gave Cheeks the same idea for panel 2 actually, if he were to simply flop that panel, Panel 3 would work perfectly. As far as Animation vs Comics with regards to line of action and 180 rule, and pacing, ideally both mediums SHOULD bear the load of keeping the rules of Film consistent with every page and panel. Obviously this is a tough task, and sometimes one medium or the other can't remain adherent to the rules as they have their limits respectively.
From my experience, comic artists are a lot more forgiving of themselves with letting the rules fall by the way side, whereas with Animation there is no room for jumping the 180 unless ABSOLUTELY necessary, and screen direction rules are the same. I get pegged every now and again by my director with the 180 and the screen direction rule, and have to change things immediately.
I think with comic pages, each panel has to say A LOT all the time, and therefore should require a lot of thinking through, and adherence to the rules of direction and pacing.
Just a few thoughts in response. Good thoughts from you man, and thanks for responding, PEACE!
oh yeah the 180 rule, I kind of ignore it because while well intentioned it mostly misses the point. You CAN do 180s if you set the viewer up properly. But yeah because of the framing its really an awkward turn, again not really a big deal cause I'm sure my comic is full of them just, sayin.
Like you'll see it in manga all the time: [link] the camera does a 180 here, but it's okay because we've established these characters are looking at one another. So it's not so much we're doing a 180 with the camera as we're going into a subjective shot to another subjective shot. This kinda stuff I picked up from 5C's of cinematography to help me with comics, but now I get why they bypass that 180 degree rule, there's a stronger principle at work ( if they are doing it right )
I think your close, by panels don't need to say as much as be proper stills of time so the viewer can understand whats going on, like showing a batter pre swing and post swing instead of just showing the viewer mid swing which can be confusing or feel weakened. So I think when and what shot is incredibly important but so is the page dynamic.
Anyway I like yacking about comics, so thanks for indulging me.