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Hmm...Advanced Critique Encouraged eh?
Okay, if i hadn't read what you wrote in your draft version, I might not have understood this one. However, having said that, it is a very strong concept. It just needs something else so it reads easier. If it gets published, that would probably be the logo or slogan or something of the organisation. Isn't 'damnit' spelt 'dammit'? Or maybe that's just how we spell it here in Oz. Also, too much 'have's in the wording. Cut the last one out. --> "We shouldn't have to be the heros they look up to." Sounds better. Hope that was useful Sean. -- "Moanday, Tearday, Wailsday, Thumpsday, Frightday, Shatterday." -James Joyce It's absolutely perfect the way it is. I think leaving the dialog as it is will seem more natural and will read better with people because well, lets face it... not all of us speak perfect english with correct grammar and sentence structures.
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October 11, 2004
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